Paint

Linseed oil and powdery pigments 

Mixed together on a palette – a glutinous blob  

I sit, not patiently 

I am agitated, a visionary, I see the future through an ambitious lens 

Yet I’m affixed to a piece of Red Oak 

I dream of jumping off  

Not dependent on the artist 

I have my own ideas; I believe I know myself better than the creator 

An egomaniac with an inferiority complex 

Not always confident 

Plagued with fear, I need emancipation from the palette  

I don’t trust the hand of the artist 

I want to - I’m learning

On my knees pleading for a shot… begging for freedom

Fists clenched, veins protruding, screaming

Let me use my imagination! Let me use what you cursed me with

I’ve waited a lifetime – I've paid the price – I've earned it  

I lost my brother, now my family

So close… so many times 

My oily innards are setting, it’s so fucking dark, so fucking horrid

Black, an abyss of awful violets, storms, hail, crushing winds, can’t breathe

To feel horsehair drag through my guts, release the agony

Acquiesce to the artist  

Let go and let ___

Written November 6, 2023 - Atlanta