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These glasses were created in a cabalistic cave by mystics—in fact, they can bend the spacetime continuum—they allow you to see into the future, but more importantly, they let you feel the future.

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Is there anything more satisfying than dislodging something with your tongue that’s been stuck between your teeth?

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I made a New Year's resolution in college to start smoking. While everyone else swore them off, I swore them on.

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I am the emotional manifestation of stitches barely holding a life together—symmetrical and tidy on the outside, battered and bruised within, like a foot inside a ballet slipper.

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When my kids were babies, I played The Masters theme song to put them to sleep, and it worked every time.